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Happy New Year

I think 2013 was pretty great…except for all the lawsuits and deaths…yeah, I’ve got plenty of regrets, but I wouldn’t change a thing.

-DR Acker

Bring me patients

I need to meet a quota. So, bring in friends, enemies, strangers, anybody and I’ll examine them.

-DR Acker

Special Deal

Come in for a routine check and get a free lobotomy. This is an end of the year deal you won’t find anywhere else.

-DR Acker

Dirt vs. Mud

There’s no real difference. I recommend two glasses of dirt or mud a day.

-DR Acker

But…I am healthy

No you are not. you need to see me everyday and pay me a large amount. Doctor’s orders.

-DR Acker

Speak before you think

It’s a great exercise in saying whatever you want.

-DR Acker

Enjoy the film and chinese food

Isn’t that what everyone does on Christmas?

-DR Acker

Twas the night before…

I burnt down my practice to collect the insurance money.

-DR Acker

Hear those Sleigh Bells?

If the answer is yes, that means there’s something wrong with your eardrums. See a doctor immediately.

-DR Acker

Greek Yogurt

Perhaps there are other versions of food the Greeks have perfected. Let’s try some more stuff like Greek Peanut Butter or Greek Tamales.

-DR Acker